Of Hyperventillating and Relief

At work the program or project is not going so well..... people issues never stop..... supervisor tells its a leadership failure..... I have been thinking the same, never seen such severe clashes within the team.
Today morning was another burst of the volcano inside me..... I just cant take people going defensive..... always talking problems. So much so that, my brain circuits started oscillating at the resonating frequency.
And it happened again, which always happens to me..... I tend to think of the energy source..... which is no longer mine..... technically I can't draw anything from it..... but I tried..... I could not stop myself..... and as always my need for instant gratification to fulfill my need for a relief - my need that someone tells me its OK to be angry - its OK to react badly sometimes - remained unfulfilled.... someone who could help me dissipate this sudden burst of rage.
I am OK now.... then the supervisor calls and I go blabbering about the people issues and leadership failure.... we will talk this afternoon.
Once again I made a resolution not to tap the energy source.... its not mine..... but I can't promise myself not to think of it at times!